Thursday, January 21, 2010

Maybe we should call him Butters

We have a very large dog that has the smallest brain ever encountered in a canine. Is he sweet, gentle, protective, and fun? Yes. Does he exhibit any signs of basic intelligence? No. He knows two commands. Sit, which to him means lay down, and crate, which is where he is told to go when he does something wrong or is being excessively annoying. He has a four word vocabulary. Walk, truck, outside, and drop. One of the breed standards for Great Danes is that they have deep set intelligent looking eyes. His are like looking into green orbs of empty goofiness.

The other day he stole a stick of butter off of the counter. This is not a hard feat considering he can walk up and set his chin on them. He took off with it to the babies play room and proceeded to enjoy his savory snack. After a few attempts to get it out of the wrapper he gave up. This mental exercise must have exhausted him and called for a nap so he could gather his thoughts and figure out how to crack this nut. In an attempt to hide his booty he thought it of no better place to stash it than under his large carcass. Yes, he slept on the butter.

My wife went into the room a half hour later to change a diaper and aroused the slumbering thief. He had apparently forgotten about his previous quest and lumbered out of the room to find other trouble to get into leaving behind an odd looking dark spot on the carpet. My wife thought he had tossed his cookies until she noticed the incriminating evidence stuck to his side. A Land-o-Lakes butter wrapper.

Now we have a butter slick in the middle of the playroom and the dog has an entire side covered in matted but glossy fur. He spent two hours sniffing in circles trying to figure out why he could smell but not locate the yummy goodness he had acquired earlier. I honestly expect no less from a dog that will not lift his leg to relieve himself and ends up pissing on his own front paw. On the upside he does get his first trip to the groomers to be pampered and cleaned. I would change his name but it would take him a year to learn it. Love that dog.

1 comment:

BMom said...

you just need to surround your cabinets with ironing boards! Or, has he lost his fear of them?