Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Boy's Day Out

Big B asked if we could have a boy's day a couple of weekends ago. I am always willing to accommodate the kiddos whenever I can since we don't have a lot of free time together. We called Papa Dave (grandpa) and asked him to join us for lunch and a procurement mission. We received some intel that the McDonald's off Spring Creek was passing out Lego Batman toys with Jr M.R.E.s , so off we went. Apparently we got hooked up with the same outfit that told President Beavis about the WMDs in Iraq because all they had there were Hot Wheel cars. No worries soldiers, we had another Target in mind. Here are some pictures of our mission.

Getting some chow at the mess hall.

Scoring some goods but not what we were looking for.

Wondering how long it takes tho mess hall pukes to puree canned turkey and crackers.

Getting some sage advice from a decorated veteran.

My squad.

There were unfriendlies everywhere and they held the high ground.

This soldier runs with scissors. Cruising in his APC sans protective body armor.

Targets located.

Misuse of equipment. That is not a Mandible Manipulation Unit son!

Mission accomplished. Headed back to base.

Monday, November 17, 2008

My promise to you...not a NaBlaPoMo thing.

I, nodnarB!, do solemnly swear to post more frequently. I commit to finishing at least half of the 33 partially composed posts that sit on my dash board. I will not use Twitter or Facebook status updates to take the place of actual creative output. I will do unto others as I like...strike that. And I will be a better citizen.

Baby 's with a palate

My wife thinks that I am ruining the babies for normal food. But try and keep our two little 9 month old infant hoovers away from what ever we are putting in our mouth is like keeping a junkie out of a methadone clinic after getting cash for his plasma. So they have taste for real slow cooked oats with brown sugar or molasses as I like to use on occasion, or some yummy saffron risotto with a small little bite of braised short ribs with a little pan jus. They may not yet be discerning but they are surely hungry.

I flash back to a restaurant I worked in back in Austin ironically named Ella's. There was a family that would come in with their 9 and 13 year old daughters. They usually ordered the escargot or carpaccio appetizer, a filet medium rare and some sort of fish, and a bottle of Cain Five Cab blend. I remember them well because the daughters ate it all. Blood red meat, foie gras, snails, spinach, mahi, lobster, and they even sipped the wine. I used to comment that it would be quite a surprise to the first guy that took them out on a date and pulled up to Chili's only to be laughed at or quickly redirected to a Michelin rated eatery. Or the dad would at the least make reservations for the couple and slip him a couple of "hundies" if he liked the kid.

So now I could quite possibly be setting the stage for a similar situation. The big kiddos are simple in theirs dietary needs. Wendy's is their favorite treat. Their lunches have barely changed in 5 years. Will the next two be the same. We will find out. But if I am left arguing with 6 year olds over Haute French or Norther Italian for dinner or the merits of a sippy cup vs. balloon stemware to let a Cote-du-Rhone breath better, I have only have myself to blame.

Need proof that food is a priority. This is the what he spent 10 minutes in front of waiting for it to open.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Rucksack Reborn

Sitting at home with head and chest funk and realizing I have not posted in a while.

Back in the day I had quite a bit of specialized outdoor gear. Camping, climbing, winter survival, I had it all. Most of this was acquired in my younger days for traveling near and far. One of my favorite and most useful pieces was my trust little day pack from Dana Designs appropriately named the Humbug Spire. Who would have known that I would acquire a fitting moniker and turned this spare clothes and survival gear packing rucksack into an extreme daddy diaper bag.

No more spare socks, emergency blanket, water filtration, maps, spare compass, signaling mirror, racks full of protection (not what you are thinking), ropes, collapsible shovels, or skis. Lets see what we are packing now.

Loaded and ready for duty

Broken out

Ziploc baggies for packing dirty utensils, bib, etc
Banana and avacado
Motrin and/or Tylenol
Teething tabs
2 cups of other solid food
Place mat thingys
Container of cherrios
Burp cloths
Diapers (2 sizes)
Spare outfits
Changing pad

2200 cu in of baby gear and I can still take more. Plus if fits just fine over the straps of the Baby Bjorn for a fully balanced load.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Its sad really...

I will say it and you can all hate, disagree, or give me a one finger salute if you like. Feminists, republicans, Joe six packs should all be disappointed. She was not chosen for her experience, intelligence, or ability. She was chosen because she is female.

As previously stated, "We Republicans will see your race card and raise you a gender card."

Monday, September 29, 2008

Pumpkin Patch Fun

We went to the PP at the Dallas Arboretum yesterday and had a blast. Well, all but one of us did.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Duh-Duh-Duh I don't know?

Thanks to Dooce for her post. I agree that this scares the everlivinshit outta me. I overheard a debate at work the other day about putting too much emphasis on the vice presidential candidate and worrying about who "might" take the torch in the event that a 72 year old man develops health issues like...i don't know...maybe DYING!

Watch CBS Videos Online

And now for a message from one of her contemporaries.

The last eight years have been bad enough.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

My Little Buddy...

The big kids were at school, Ella was sleeping, and Mommy was out shopping. That left me and my little buddy alone with some toys and a camera t have a little fun. Good times!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Moment of Mortality

Sometimes it is not the actual event or tragedy that has happened or been averted that has the most effect on you. It is the period of assessment after when you can put it all in perspective. What if it were you? What if no one was there to help? Would others have the skills or knowledge to help? How would it feel to be that helpless? Would your eyes have the same look if you departed even for a moment?

Last night was as normal as any others. The usual rabble at the bar, the same early shift challenge of trying to look busy or endure the same conversations with the same regulars. I greeted one of our regulars as he came through the door. He was entertaining a couple of out of town clients with his wife and child in tow. I had a couple of things going but still had time to hang out and watch Abbot and Costello run into each other again and break two glasses. Then one of my colleagues came rushing to the front exasperated and sputtering, "Call..oh my god..the phone..911..guy on the floor...um call someone." Four people heading away from the table and me heading towards.

Sure enough there was a guy on the floor. Unresponsive, eyes open, a buddy of his next to him. Training and experience takes over and you go through the motions. Clear the area, clear the airway, raise the feet, loosen restrictive clothing,check for breath, nothing, check for pulse, radial, axillary, carotid, nothing, chest stimulation, nada, look at friend and say "lets go", watch him fumble with nose and mouth, help him open jaw, "pinch the nose and hit him as hard as you can with two breaths," measure up to avoid breaking xyphoid process, interlace fingers, get ready to start compression, leaning back to start, and then he shudders back to life. The odd fuh-fuh-fuh sound like an old engine turning over after a long rest. Sounds oddly reminiscent of another situation when a person took their last breath. Start assessment. Name, location, do you know where you are, do you know what happened to you, can you squeeze my fingers, check for dilation, take pulse, cover with table cloths to keep warm and ward off shock, give stats to friend on the phone with 911 to relay to paramedics, for some odd reason tell co-worker to check on table 23 and send the food on 27, ask wife's name, reassure that he is ok now, wait till the pros arrive and step back from the scene, answer a few questions.

Twenty minutes later feel a wave of emotion and fear punch you in the stomach and shake you to the core.

That is not the first time I have been in that situation and oddly I don't feel like it will be the last. But I have never been so...I don't know...affected. I had a personal stake in this. I wanted everything to go right and for this to turn out fine. I remember seeing the ring on his finger and thinking about his wife. I recalled a comment he made to the child of the host as I walked by earlier about his son. Deb and I have been talking about the rash of 40 year old men dying of heart attacks and leaving their family grieve and cope. I did not want that to happen. I did not want to think of his family and say that we tried.

I thought of my own family. I though of the philly cheesesteak sandwich I had last week and wondered where in my arteries it was deposited. I thought about the odd palpitations I was having the other night that I dismissed as unaddressed stress or too much caffeine. I remembered the difference in his eyes from the moment I knelt over him compared to when he was wheeled out. No animation, distant, quiet, clouded, kinda 2 dimensional, flat, gone. I know there is a difference between heart stoppage and death. Where the brain ceases to function on the residual oxygen left in the blood stream. However, when this process starts, it is like turning a light out in a windowless room. Not instant black but a quick fading away. I was scared and moved. This man did not deserve that fate and neither does my family.

It is true that having children change your out look. I have never had more to loose. Or rather, I have never had some much to live for. I have so many people counting on me. I would never want them to have to figure out how to do it on their own. My actions have never been so deliberate. I do what I do every day for others. My needs come 6th in our family. Behind the wife and all 4 kids. The dog's head is my seat on our totem pole. I am sure everyone has had a moment like this. I would hope that if the roles were reversed that other person would be as adamant.

I don't hug my kids any harder or consciously remember to tell them I love the before we part. I have always done that. I'm not upping my life insurance or throwing out all the precessed meats. I'm merely reminded of the things I have and how much I need, love, and cherish them.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Dads day out. WTF

I bit the bullet and went to my first SAHDs of Dallas group outing. They usually meet at kid friendly restaurants or brown bag it at local parks. Apparently gun ranges and Hooters are not their style. I admit I had some slight reservations after considering the few men that I have either met or seen on those Dateline specials about working moms that are the family bread winners. Ok...I was a victim of my own generalizations and stereotyping. I mean seriously. What normal red blooded, sports watching, car drooling, butt scratching, competition belching, cleavage oggling guy would choose to not only stay at home but make attempts to find other previously said guys to share bottle preferences and loaded diaper stories with? None. Not a single one.

Now I admit that I share a few (all) of the previously listed characteristics but I do so with panache (vain attempts to act refined) and style (superfluous denial). But for the most part I am a perfect gentleman (full of shit). I am accepting of others and very malleable in social situations. But when confronted with denizens of people that speak a different language (Klingon) and think in different ways (Chaos Theory) I tend to be at a loss for words. So who are the members of these groups.

Enter the work from home programmer with four different mobile communications devices attached to his belt and a hands free earpiece clipped to his suspenders. We all know that these two gravity defying clothing accessories are options. Meant to perform their duty alone, without coexistence. Like matter and anti-matter. Not combined to create a bandoleer of technology. I must admit I admired how he deftly utilized a black berry and iphone while discussing the Malthusian experiment going on in the pond at the park.

Next was the mobility impaired (hobbled) dad that was effectively chaperoned by his four year old. The munchkin closed the driver side door for dad, carried the diaper bag, lunch, and folding chair and herded his 2 year old sister without question or protest. I worried about our knock kneed joiner making it across the lawn from the parking lot to the tree we congregated under. I met them half way and offered to help carry some gear but was shunned by the little care taker. "I got it mister...always do" was all he said. I just realized that I had peered into to 4 year old eyes going on 40. I did get the skinny from the dad who explained that his doctors claimed that his bone and joint degeneration was similar to that seen in people suffering from long term malnutrition. He figured it was from his choice of eating and drinking only saltine crackers, canned sausages, and water from the age of 6-13. Medical science was flabbergasted by the demise of his lower joints but he was convinced he did it to himself. He soon initiated a Klingon pronunciation lesson with suspender guy.

There was also the unemployed for the last 7 years dad that was convinced that he had been black listed by the entirety of the technology industry. He has applied, he has interviewed, he has...I would have been interrupted by him by now because no one could finish a sentence without him correcting your grammar, pronunciation, accuracy of information, or disputing yours or anyone’s opinion. I would call this trait a deal breaker for the interview process. He was also the organizer of a board game playing group the meets at Cafe Brazil every Tuesday night for round robin tournaments. I was not invited.

All in all I was the odd one out. I have an evening job, I am in relatively good physical and mental health, I have a great relationship with my wife, and I like to socialize. I tried to initiate and interject in conversation but was viewed with skepticism and distrust. I had not seen all the installments of LOTR or Star Wars (anathema!!!). I followed the group to the play ground and down to the pond to watch the kids feed the ducks and turtles. I toted the twins around one in each arm. Beck's hat fell off in full view of the group and I had to set him down on the ground, put it back on his head, and pick him back up (A LITTLE HELP HERE?) while the dads shook their heads and commented on how hard it must be to handle them both at the same time.

The only person I related to was the one mom that showed up. She quickly snatched up a baby and a sippy cup. We talked about birth weights, sleep habits, school districts. She was pleasant and upbeat. Either way I realized I was out of my element.

I will try again. I will pick a different day and see if the mix is a little more accepting of my alternative lifestyle. But if it doesn’t work out I will start my own little group known as,






C.onsumed by



If it means anything, I was the only one that got the Maltusian reference.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Those Eyes

How I love all three colors at the same time.


Or maybe this one. Never ever though I would be obsessed with strollers.

Monday, August 25, 2008

A plea for good (tip) karma..

May the gratuity gods be gracious this week. Let a hotel shuttle full of high rollers come in and drop some serious "scarilla" so that we might acquire a jogging stroller for the upcoming 5k. Oh, and for our morning walks to school for the kiddos. After all they are like 30% off.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Daddy Day Care Redux

Home. Alone. With five humans under the age of 10.

Behest my brethren from my bachelor days. Nay, have I been captured by life and its trappings of off spring. Though I pronounced that I should never hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick and that I should live as a bachelor, I say now, that all seasons shall pass. For I am the Master of my brood and bride and betwixt it all I demanded that she go and travail against the beserkers from the Northern Dalles this day and bring back fruitful bounty. For I shall remain and instruct the flock in skills of swordsmanship. A fortnight early for lessons of the blade you say. I beseech you to fear these mongrels.

So far so good. No injuries, hurt feelings, or potty accidents.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Lazy Wednesday

It is beyond good times at the house. A lazy rainy day full of nothing to do. Snuggly babies and big kiddos enveloped in our chocolate brown magic couch sloth. Breakfast was a can of spaghetti-o's and a chocolate chip cookie. Why? Because it was there. No TV. Just each other. If we only had a pool like the Willies we would be set.

Beck standing tall

Bouncing baby girl

Happily unmotivated

No paparazzi please. The only pic the wife would let me take/post this morning,

Book worm and snuggle buddy.

Its always easy being cheesy.

Coop offering his protection from the garbage truck.

Monday, August 18, 2008

My Lovely

She is so beautiful in candle light.

Dare I say I love it when she blows.

One of those days

You ever have one of those days. One step forward, two steps back. I blame it on the rain and lack of preparation.

Bob's towing

Sunday, August 17, 2008

The stalemate has ended...

I blinked first. I was having an unspoken no blog stare down with F5. I finally cracked and decided to post.

We are getting settled in the new house. Too settled apparently. H's bathroom is still not finished. The yard needs to be mowed. The garage cleaned out. The dog days of summer have hit. I love the fact that we are much more comfortable here and have the room we need to live and to have visitors.

I know how much life has changed when all I want for X-mas is a B.O.B. double jogging stroller. The man cub is growing out of his car seat already and the other double doesn't handle the parts of our walk that are not paved that we come across when we get lost in our hood.

My gangsta wife had a great birthday. I must say that I shopped for her over a month and a half. It was much easier to siphon off cash without her noticing and not scrambling last minute. It will be a challenge to top it next year but I have a few ideas already.

Ok...I think I am back. Simple post today but I was hoping this was like riding a bicycle.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Crooked Smiles and Squinty Eyes

Same eye and same grin. My wife hates it but I find it endearing. And to have a daughter that does the same should prove to her that she has a mini-me as well.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Where it all began...

Ok, so packing can be a bit serendipitous. While emptying out the junk closet I came across the only evidence we have of the night we first met.

Yes...we were much younger then.

A little close on the first night?

I was asked by a friend of Deb's that I happened to be dating to help organize her 21st birthday party. I had no idea who she was but never passed the opportunity to woo others with my arrogant knowledge of restaurants and wine in Austin. I chose the Bitter End since it was down in the hip part of town and I knew some people there. Oh...and because I liked it. The guest list was organized and reservations made. We could have gone to the Spaghetti Warehouse next door and the group would have been just as happy. I ordered a nice bottle of wine, something Spanish, for my date and I. I drank cognac while others had Dr. Pepper. I was such an ass. But hey, this naive Disney loving newlywed seemed to be having a good time. We left and cruised 6th and 4th street. We had drinks at Cedar Street where the couch picture was taken. All in all it seemed to be a great night for me, and I assume everyone else liked it. Let this be exhibit A for those of you that snicker when she says I was a pompous ass when she first met me. Guilty as charged.

Fast forward 10 years, 4 kids, and 3 marriages later and here we are. We joke about how we met so long ago but would have never been compatible when we were younger. It is obvious that we both had a lot of growth and change in store over the years. I have rearranged my top 5 in my life and decided that keeping a job for more than 6 months at a time is important. She may still long for a trip to Disney but does not drag me to openings of animated films. I would have never in a million years imagined I would be taking pictures with her again complete with a family. We may have taken the scenic route but we finally found each other at the right time.

Side note. The picture on the couch made us giggle. I seem to be pulling her closer while I was merely draping my arm over the girl on the other side that ended up being my first wife. Instinct maybe?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Dry Run?

Yesterday could have well been a dry run for next months event. Remember folks...


It's the first annual Will-Riney-Frank-Scott-Rob-Traub-Orama!!!! Hosted by The Wood Haven in beautiful Kingsland Texas. Dust off the lawn chairs and Igloo coolers for this hill country extravaganza. Free hot dogs, balloons, and pacifiers for the first 15 kids in the door. Parents will be treated to a weekend of beer, wine, margaritas, and co-op meals cooked by a tag team of amateur to avid cooks vying for the title of Top Weekend Chef. Infants will be competing for best, All-Nighter Award, while the toddlers will test the skills of the adults in the, Baby Proofing the Vacation House reality show. The older kids will surely put on a Superpowers vs. Girl Power Talent show. Join us for this premier event and help make this a tradition to remember!

The Will's were kind enough, or at least paying forward some good posse karma, and opened their house to all of us. A last minute party favor was arranged by out stellar hostess and with the exception of a foot pedal to operate the spigot while holding a baby it was perfect addition. This was far better than the one made out of a 5 gallon water cooler, a spare garbage disposal, and leftover PVC tubing. The pool was perfect. The grill was sizzling. We had enough baby gear to make Jon & Kate jealous. We were missing the Rob squad due to their remote location. We will be infiltrating the land of hippies and poorly planned toll roads next weekend to see if we can further coerce them to leave that mota smoking compound and head north to the silicone and botox capital of Texas.

My wife asked if I thought everything went well? I thought for a moment and realized that every fell perfectly into place. Guys gathered around the table talking about guy things (boobs, movies, glory days, Chuck's new book idea, applying for a patent for a foot pedal operated rita machine). The girls hanging around lounge chairs talking about girl things (their wonderful and doting husbands, pedicures, cookie recipes, high fashion). And the kids somewhere in between. Entropy had been achieved.

I don't know about you guys...but I thought it went great!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Sardonic Update

May already? 95 degrees already? School is out in two weeks. What the heck.

Babies are doing well for the most part. Deb just wagged a bottle in my face that she managed to get the little one to eat in 10 mins. My hour worth of effort didn't even get half of it down. They are still a little fussy but the reflux meds have helped. We had a baby shower for one of my coworkers the other day. Restaurant events are mostly coed since they usually center around drinking, smoking, and acting like juveniles after too many Jagerbombs. I guess most were a little surprised and a little miffed that I turned down shots and disappeared to change diapers. They were even bemused enough to video me holding/bouncing both babies at once when they started to get fussy. After being ribbed about having to change diapers I explained that it was a fair trade off for not having to wake up and feed them at 2, 4, and 6 am. Guess I'm not the wild one anymore.

My little offspring are the butter in my biscuit. Watching them grow and change is a source of constant amazement and amusement. Learning not to leave the boy naked as a jay bird on the bed after a bath is not good. Guess I'm sleeping in the wet spot tonight.

My 4th anniversary of turning 30 is coming up soon and I am totally unconcerned. Birthdays for me are very low on my days of importance. Far behind Christmas, Thanksgiving, August 11th, Feb 20th, and Albanian liberation day. I don't request of require large crowds, organized gatherings, or flaming baked goods. For a few years my request was give me a remote control and a bucket of chicken and let me watch the Indy 500 and Coca Cola 600 in peace. This year how about a gift card to the local gas station since we are road tripping to Austin the day after. For that I will love and admire you for years.

We are moving in a month. Yes, 30 days. Denial has begun. Procrastination is my mantra. But the idea of having more than 1900 sqft for six humans and one seriously over sized dog will get me through this for sure. I still have a bathroom to finish and prolly 15 rooms to paint so it should be an eventful month.

Yes we are down to one dog. The little one got a little wired the last couple of weeks. Ok...she was nuttier than a fruit cake. She growled and snapped at Debbie a couple of times and finally took a shot at me. I returned her to the SPCA and told them her name was Boomerang. I felt a little guilty considering the number of people I chastised for bringing a dog back because of a new family addition when I worked for a rescue group. The lady in line behind me was doing the same thing except that she had newborn triplets. Trumped! Guess I should take her pictures ff my page and replace them with images of the babies.

Hope this post will help roto-rooter my creative plumbing so I can attempt to amuse you guys or just myself more often.

Parting note. Deb just found this in a magazine. A snack ball. I see toddlers sling ceramic bread plates like they are playing frisbee golf on a regular basis. And great for travel? I foresee a three car pile up caused by a rigid round container of cheerios bouncing off the back of a parents head and rolling under the break pedal.

2 year old + ball = throwing. Pretzel crumbs anyone?

Sunday, May 11, 2008

I promise...

I promise to start blogging more often. Mom, my wife, and those 3 adoring fans I have on StatCounter that venture back daily. I promise to start tomorrow because today was pretty interesting and funny. But until then I shall share some common thoughts I found posted on, "The Best of Craigslist."

Common Carpool Courtesy

You would think most of what I have to say would be self-evident behavior for the drop off line at school, but sadly, it seems not. What the hell are you people thinking?

First, of course,...people, get off your fucking cell phones! How many times do people have to be told this? You’re in line for 2 minutes (unless there is another inconsiderate fuck like you in the line), don’t you think the high profile world issues you face on a daily basis could wait until you drive off? Pull forward fucktard!

Second, coffee...you prepping your $6.50 cup cream-mocha-latté-whateverthefuckitis is not an acceptable reason for holding the rest of us up. If you just have to mix your lead filled package of Chinese slave labor flavoring before heading off to your stressful day, could you drop your child off, pull to the side, and do it out of the flow of traffic? Pull forward fucktard!

Third, whatever the hell it is you are digging for in your console. Why do you stare at the line, eyes fixed forward, waiting...waiting...waiting...and then just seconds before it’s time to pull forward, you pull your hands away from the wheel, flip open your console, and start digging for...?...what? What the hell are you digging for? You never find it! The statistical odds of finding anything in your console, while waiting in line to drop off you child, is nill. You have proven time and time again. It’s not there. It’s never there. Pull forward fucktard!

Next, dressing your kid in the car. If you don’t have your child dressed by the time you arrive at the drop off line, then you are not ready to get in the drop off line. Most of us dress our kids at home…I know, weird concept! If your kid is late, your kid is late...and dressing him or her in front of the school, in line, holding the rest of us up, does not somehow magically stop the clock and make it all OK. I know, I know, “It takes a village,” but the village is stacking up behind you, and we really wish you would pull forward fucktard!

OK, “Snoop-Dog”...yes, you driving the 1987 Corolla with the snap-on hubcap spinners and the bumper sticker that says “My other car is Tupac”, stop getting out of your car each day, defiantly starring at the line waiting behind you, and doing that fucking swagger where you hold your balls with one hand and walk as s-l-o-w-a-s-f-u-c-k-i-n-g-p-o-s-s-i-b-l-e around to the other side of your car to let your kid out. There are two teachers and ten monitors there to make sure you kid gets out safely. If you just have to do this routine everyday, then move to the side, otherwise...pull forward fucktard!

Slack-jawed people...I am pretty sure you can’t read this, but hopefully a nose breather has seen it and passed it on to you...that big empty space in front of you...the big 5 car space between you and the lady up there on her cell phone...that is a space which your car and the 4 people behind you should be filling in. Those people up there with the safety vests, waving their arms, looking at you like you should close your mouth and step on the accelerator are giving you the universal signal to...pull forward fucktard!

Last, the stay at home moms...do you have to talk to every other stay at home mother that you happen to see on school grounds? What the hell do you have to talk about each and every day? You just talked to her yesterday when you held us all up, what could possibly transpired in the last 24 hours that would require you to once again pull forward 5 feet, step on the brake, try to roll the window down, hit the locks, lock again, roll down the window, talk for-fucking-ever, and then roll your window up, pull forward another 5 feet, and repeat the whole process again? Maybe you could start a coffee clutch, a “La Madelin’s For Moms,” or some other type of morning meeting that would satisfy your craving for endless conversation, but somewhere other than in front of the other 20 cars trying to drop their kids off. Until you come up with a plan, could you please pull ALL the way forward fucktard!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Tagged again!!!

Ok so first my wife and then Jenny tagged me to do the "7 things" blog. I did the 8 things blog a couple of months ago and figured this might suffice. I promise when I get some more sleep I will create a new 7 things list. Love you all and thanks for visiting.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Tag...I'm it!

My wife tagged me to do a survey the other day but I had already completed it a couple of months back. So I decided to steal this one from Jenny who got it from Tracey. Hope you enjoy.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?

Honestly? I don't pay bills! I bring home my share of the bacon and my wife decides who get what and when. I would probably say that our $850 worth of car payments are the worst in my mind.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?

We do well with dinner and romance at home. I like to cook so it is not a big ordeal. We did recently have a date night w/o kids at Brio a couple of weeks ago.

3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?

Not really. She was older, drove an IROC-Z, and had some experience so it was probably not as clumsy and traumatic as it could have been. Definitely one of those "where are they now" people.

4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?

Compromising 1998-2004

5. Name of your second grade teacher?

Ms. Carpenter

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?

Sleeping or playing Wii.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?

I didn't and I am still growing up so I will let you know when I decide.

8. How many colleges did you attend?


9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?

It was good for cleaning the kitchen in .

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be?

The whole family and I would relocate to the Rocky Mountains or Spain.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?

Crazy! I was actually asleep when it went off and not holding a fussy baby.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?

Please...just 4 hours uninterrupted.

14.What do you miss about being a child?

Fishing with my Dad or friends.

16. What errand/chore do you despise?

I will wash clothes and fold clothes...but I hate putting them away.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?

Heck yeah. HFC here I come.

18. Get up early or sleep in?

I'm a night owl. I LOVE to sleep in.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?

Captian Caveman.

20. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?

Grab a drink with friends. Chill with Sass.

21. Have you found real love yet?


22. When did you start feeling old?

We just talked about that today. I don't feel my age yet.

24. Your favorite lunch meat?

Roast Beef.

25. What do you get every time you go to Wal-Mart?

Whatever I need. Mainly gas.

26. Beach or lake?


27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?

I think it is getting there. That being said I really enjoy this time around.

28. Do you own property?

Technically yes.

29. Favorite Guilty pleasure?


30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out?

Dream a Little Dream

31. What's your drink?

Almost any wine, Miller Lite, Stoli and Soda, Campari and Soda.

32. Cowboys or Indians?


33. Cops or Robbers?

Class fighting wealth redistribution agents.

34. Who from high school would you like to run in to?

Dawn, Sarah T., Kenny.

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?

103.3 ESPN or 92.5

37. Grey's Anatomy or The Office?

The Office if I had to choose.

38. Worst relationship mistake you wish you could take back?

Honestly, going to the altar the first time with my fingers crossed. I wish I would have...oh well. It got me where I am now.

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?

Not sure. Lance Armstrong maybe.

41. Indoors or Outdoors?


42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?

A few times. I had a crazy streak when I was younger.

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?

A few times actually. Like I said...I had a crazy streak when I was younger.

44. Last book you read?

Innocent Man by John Grisham

45. Do you have a teddy bear?

A couple of squirmy and loving little ones right now.

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?

In the back of a semi trailer.

47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?

Catalina Island

48. Do you go to church?

Not any more. Old wounds leave bad scars to remind me why I abstain.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?

Neither right now.

50. How long have you been out of school?

7 years

Friday, April 25, 2008

If I had kids of my own...

My wife left a snippet of a conversation I had with a wonderful patron (see bitch) at work the other night.

The families gatherd at our fine establishment for a birthday party. They had previously called and inquired about bringing their own cake which we have changed policy to deny since, a) it is a health code violation to bring in outside food, b) we lose revenue on not selling our own desserts, and c) the ever so appreciative cheap skates tend to throw a post check dropping fit because you did not read their mind and cut the cake into smaller pieces so that they could take some of it home for later. All good and valid reasons but after threatening to go somewhere else, which I would have suggested, our manager capitulated and allowed the breach of policy. Whatever.

One parent arrived with four children and managed to supervise none of them. Our restaurant was quickly transformed into another type of establishment. They next set of parents came in already mad and arguing with each other about which side of the car they took their child out of and worked on sharing their toxic energy with the group. The rest of the family gathered and after 15 minutes seating arrangement were finally decided on which included putting all five children on the opposite side of the table with no adults. Stellar idea.

After telling the parents that we did not have a children's menu, confirming again when asked if I was sure, and shooting a cross look when someone suggested that I should go check to make sure, we got to ordering. I am the first one to make families feel welcome and comfortable but I am not your emotional punching bag. Adults salads were sent followed shortly by the kids meals since few things keep kids quiet better that pizza and pasta. I of course held the main courses for the adults. All was well until I returned with a glass of wine for Toxic Tammy which I probably should have spiked with a Xanax or Valium and started our exchange.

T. T.: Umm...You need to go ahead and bring the kids food as soon as you can so they don't het out of control. I mean, if you had kids you would understand.

Me: Oh I understand. I have 4 kids. I have already sent their's to the kitchen. They will be up ASAP.

T. T.: No. I mean kids of your own. (eye roll)

Me: They are mine.

T. T.: (Look of disbelief) Really?

Bro-in-law: Why would he say he had kids if they weren't his?

T. T.: I just didn't think someone like that would actually have kids.

Me: (Turning around and snapping a pen in half while biting my tongue till it almost bleeds.)

I get it. I don't have a 9-5 cube job. But Tammy you can take your $30,000 millionaire, leveraged to the hilt in credit card debt, CRV driving, disrespectful head and shove it up the ass of an elephant until you...

Ok. I feel better.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Presidental Preference

Who would have thought that our little girl would be so selective at this age. Thanks T-Rob for your post about a lil lump that we all love. This has kept our girl happy and content for a couple of days now. Oh...she likes Peaches as well.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Daddy Day Care

So today is my first real day alone with the twitters. Momma went back to work and we are left to fend for ourselves and fight through the rubble or the twister fest from last night.

On the agenda:

  • Try and sneak in a shower while they are napping. (Should probably be doing that now instead of blogging)
  • Get to the grocery store to pick up shallots for dinner and potatoes for a special request from a local celebrity.
  • Look for an elusive USB cable for a 7 year old digital camera.
Wish me luck.

Friday, March 28, 2008


Ok. I admit it. Sometimes I talk like this.


Monday, March 24, 2008


I have a recurring family that tends to consistently saunter into the restaurant about 30 minutes before closing on weekend evenings. This would normally drive me nutty but they are prompt and courteous and don't choose to stay till after midnight watching the Martini Park freak show across the street.

The parents are Indian as is the daughter but she married a passively Kosher Jewish guy. The first couple of times in the were kind enough to explain their dietary restrictions and preferences. No beef for the parents, the daughter is vegetarian, and no pork for the son-in-law. When they came in last Saturday we exchanged pleasantries and they started to reiterate the restrictions again. I stopped the daughter short and completed the run down for her. "Wow" she exclaimed! You remembered. "Of course" I said. "You guys are my Indi(an)Jew(ish)(Veg)atarian table." They all paused and digested this title for a moment and the responded with laughter and acceptance. They did ask if they we so noted in our reservation system. I assured them that not everyone would find it quite as amusing as we did.

Bring on the League of Nations.


Me Circa Dec 1974

Beck March 2008

The man cub is ready for training!!!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Unexpected Joy

You know that item from your childhood that has managed to stick around forever. It was a fixture in your daily life. Hotly contested and adamantly defended during spring cleanings and garage sales. One of those things that you either intend to or have already handed down to your next generation. Our friends Summer, Jeff, and sweet Maren surprised us yesterday with a special delivery. Hand made and hand painted. Personally commissioned and designed. Wreaking of quality and longevity.

We can't wait to see them hauled around the house to be used for tea parties, hot wheel car ramps, cookie jar raiding, and the like. Not to down play the generosity of all of our friends and family at all but every child needs a chair/stool combo. Thanks guys. Much appreciated!

They have not yet been kids tested but they are Great Dane approved.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Newborn Session...

We did our new born session this morning and somehow JenTraub managed to get a preview up within 3 hours. Yes she deserves a nap, another gold medal, and Sainthood.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Headed for a nap..

Just a quick update for those that haven't visited my wife's blog.

Ella is home. The two seemed so content to be back together. We are very relieved to not be taking 3-4 trips to the hospital a day.

Beck had some wicked gas last night and kept us up till the wee hours of the morning till it passed. Yea! Our first sleepless night.

Grandma is staying the week with us to help out and keep track of the other kids and making sure we eat.

I just want to send a shout out to all of our family and friends, new and old. All the support, offers, meals delivered, meals yet to be delivered, comments, emails and phone calls have meant the world to us. We never knew we had such a base of support. We truly appreciate all that you have done and promise to thank you individually as soon as we are awake enough to make a tally.

I promise to put some more pics up tomorrow. But for now...a nap before I have to head to work.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008


I still don't get it. We have boy/girl twins and yet we still get asked if they are identical. Gah!!!

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Say 'ello to my little friend!

Too bad Picasa doesn't have green and blue eye reduction. The Heathens were overwhelmed by the new addition last night. The Doberman was great and handled her curiosity very well. Her maternal instinct kicked in quickly and she was very calm and well behaved.

The Dane on the other hand had a hard time wrapping his small brain around what this squirming, grunting, strange smelling thing was. He tired to take in as much scent as he could and gave Beck a nudge or two. Needless to say trying to keep a 4ft tall 145lb dog at arms length is a challenge. We certainly are not worried about him doing anything more than slobbering on the boy or inhaling his pacifier. And I am thinking that the money we spent on a baby monitor might have been unnecessary considering the big dogs rushes to investigate any sniffle or squawk and quickly finds me to report the alarm. If I seem less than concerned because I am in the middle of washing dishes or folding laundry Cooper gives me a reinforcing woof. He has taken well to his new role in the D.R.H.S.

Either way we look forward to these little ones growing up with their four legged companions. After all I grew up loving my aunt's Great Dane, Santana. Don't freak out mom...Cooper can't reach far enough down into the crib to pick one up and bring them to us.